Losing an Old Friend

(Originally written Satuday, November 7, 2009)


Emotions are funny. Sometimes the ones that affect you the most are the ones that come on when least expected. I had to put our family dog to sleep a few days ago. He was pretty old, around 12, and had contracted some type of cancer that formed tumors in his abdomen that wouldn't allow him to eat or drink. Surgery would not have gauranteed a solution so I decided to let him go.

Especially since I began working from home, Frisco has been by my side most of every day. If I sat at the computer, he sat next to me. If I walked upstairs for something, he followed me. When I got up each morning, I would have to be careful not to step on him because most nights he slept beside the bed. He never complained (only one in the family who didn't) unless I put on my tennis shoes in front of him and didn't take him for a walk.

I've never been one to over-emotionalize about a pet. I was always the one to make rational comments about them just being aimals; don't get too attached. But I have to admit that it was hard to lose Frisco. He was part of our family and he lived the end of his life the way I hope I can end mine. He continued to love the family, tried every day to live the same as he always had, he never complained. Not a bad way to go.

Good Friends

My family just spent a few hours with another family we have been good friends with for over 20 years. We have had children together, raised them, fought with them, fought for them, prayed for them, and now watch them as the last ones leave for college. What began as a process that seemed it would last forever, while not ending, is certainly changing.

Our friends moved away from the area about ten years ago. We remain close, although not always in close contact. We are the kind of friends who will always be there, no matter the circumstances. We have been there for each other through the trials and issues families go through. We know the good and the bad and are still here.

There is some comfort in knowing you have those kinds of friends. Is it always a perfect relationship - hardly. But just like any other good relationship, certain worth the effort to keep it going. In fact, it is probably strongest when there is a need (and there have been plenty of those over the years). That's when we will all be there without fail. Don't even have to ask.

My Son

Most recently, my time seems to have been focused on my 17 year-old daughter who will be leaving us soon for college. I assure you, though, that the actions of my 21 year-old son have not been far from my mind. He is currently attending the same university Emily will attend in the fall. He is living his first summer away from "home" in a small apartment he rented himself. I am continually taken back by the independence he has shown and the man he is becoming.

It is somewhat daunting when you realize you are needed less and less everyday. When the children you raised start learning "life" instead of "listen-to-me" lesssons. I am extremely proud of the decisions my son has made as he intentionaly builds his future. His willingness to work, his concern for the family and his friends, and his ability to step outside himself in the process.

I kept a card in my billfold when he was a child to remind me of the things I wanted him to learn as he ran the marathon of life. I wanted him to learn to love God, his family, and others. I wanted him to be respectful of his elders and those in authority. I wanted him to take responsibility for his actions. I wanted him to learn how to put in a good day's work. I wanted him to be non-judgemental and forgiving.

By God's grace he has become that man. The race is far from over, but he has certainly begun to out-distance the field. Do not be found faint, Bailey. Finish the race, for a crown of glory awaits.

Disapointment

One of my greatest disapointments is to disapoint those I care about. It's not so much about how they feel about me as it is how I make them feel. It bothers me to see someone I care for to be frustrated, sad, or even angry about something I could have prevented with a different decision or action. No matter that I might have been correct, their perception and reaction is enough to make me have second thoughts. Unfortunately, it sometimes causes me to make the wrong decision or take an inappropriate action in order to please.

If only I had the same concern about my relationship with God. If only I was as concerned about how He might feel when I make poor choices as I am about how my earthly relationships respond. Does this put into question my love for Him, or my real reason for the concern I have for others? I tend to think the latter.

Upon introspection, I usually can find that my mistakes in life are more about me than anything, or anyone else. I pray that God will someday give me the wisdom and strength to truly be more concerned about others than I am myself.

Another Emily

She never ceases to amaze me, our Emily. She came home from a mission trip to New Orleans ready to go back and provide more help to the people in that disaster-by-the-bay. She also began talking about work in India and Africa. She's going to college as a young 17 yr. old, but she is already turning into a mature young lady that is developing a world-view to replace the me-view that has tended to rule.

I guess that happens to all of us at different stages in our lives (maybe not all, but to many of us). The time when we realize that what we do really only makes a difference when it affects others. Bob Buford wrote a great book called "Half Time" which explored the fact that most of us men seem to reach this stage about half-way through our lives. This new generation is reaching it much sooner.

They are less concerned about wearing a tie than they are about being tied down. They are more concerned about writing the script for a better future than writing a check. They are already asking the questions we were asked not to ask. I catch myself wanting to tell them to "think about what they are doing!" when I realize that often times they are.

Yes, I am seeing another Emily. And I like her a lot.

Graduating Emily

My daughter, Emily, is graduating this month. Doesn't seem possible. My wife and I were talking recently about her future and I expressed questions about the kind of man she might marry (a thought most dads consider at some point). Emily is a great girl and has caused her mom and I almost zero heart-ache or concern since she matured out of her terrible twos that lasted until she was seven. She does, however, tend to be harder on those that love her the most.

Lynette gave me much comfort in sharing Emily's list of "potential husbands" that Emily has kept for some time, with few updates. Besides UT quarterback Colt McCoy, the rest of the list consists of really good guys, most of whom she has never even dated. They all had in common (including Colt) coming from stable, God-fearing families, and calm, respectful personalities. Not a bad list for a still young high school senior.

It appears that Emily hopes to reconstruct the environment she was raised in. A fact that had significant impact on me. I only hope and pray that she allows God to provide her with the kind of man that can give her that. Around our house we joke that "if momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." Concerning that:

He must make her happy, but he also must lead,
Not with tight rein or bit, but with kind words and deeds.

Intentionaly Driven

After hearing the story of Rachel Scott from her father this weekend, I have to wonder about the insignificance of most things we do. This young woman (the first student shot at Columbine) lived her life with an intentionality everyone should admire. Regardless of your ambition, goal in life, or faith, how much more successful could you be if you were as dedicated as she?

My challenge to myself is to be more intentional about my beliefs and my goals, and encourage others to do the same.